His Eye is on the Sparrow

DSCF0557Mom’s Funeral Mass and Burial is today.  Complexities within my family of origin means I cannot be there to attend her funeral.  As my friend Jen said wisely, you don’t have to attend her funeral, you attended her LIFE.  One of my favorite songs is HIS EYE IS ON THE SPARROW AND I KNOW HE WATCHES ME.

So todays Monday Q and A will go on because I need the routine …..

*Do you have a favorite funeral song?

*I would stick a cigarette in my mom’s casket if I could.  Did you put anything in your loved ones’ casket with them?

*I love that the Jewish tradition is to sit shiva.  Shiva is the first 7 days of mourning.  There is an Irish tradition called Month’s Mind where you go to mass and have a meal in the loved one’s honor a month after the death.  Do you know of other such rememberences?

*I’m probably going to plant something for mom in the woods or put out a special bird house or feeder in her honor.  Any other ideas?

Aside:  I am working on the pattern for the fidget mitts for alzehimers patients, and it feels good to do this.  My first one is in greens for Irish mom, Noreen.  Thanks to those of you who are interested in participating in Honeys Hundred.  More to come.

love you all thanks for the wonderful support, it is good to be among friends as I grieve and such. …..

Advertisements

Author: compassionknit

I've moved from irisheyesknitters.blogspot.com to compassionknit.wordpress.com on Nov. 7 2016. It is still me! glad you found me

29 thoughts on “His Eye is on the Sparrow”

  1. I’ll answer one of the questions. My grandfather, in his final years, had feet that would swell very badly. I used to knit him socks in a very stretchy ribbed pattern, which would stretch in all directions to accommodate his swollen feet. They were the only socks he would wear, and I had to knit more of them because he refused to take the first pair off for washing. After his passing, my grandmother made sure he got to be buried in his handknit socks. Brings tears to my eyes even this many years later, that he found something I made so important to him, and that he has them for eternity.

    Much love to you on this day, wishing you peace.

    Like

  2. 1. We don’t do funerals in my family so I don’t know one.
    2. The Mister’s family had people put stuff in his Mom’s urn before burial. I didn’t add anything. The Mister added a golf tee.
    3. No…but I drove my Mom’s ashes down to the Bay the day I picked them up and sat and watched the sunset with her for the last time. She’s in my stash closet protecting the yarn while she waits for Daddio to join her. I am going to disperse them together.
    4. I think planting something is lovely. We have memorial benches here on the boardwalk that people decorate. Like you, I also knitted something for a charity I new she would support and donated it in her memory.
    I’m thinking of you today and hoping you find some peace.

    Like

    1. Thank you Deb. I have peace now that the Mass is over. A dear friend attended the mass and gave me afull beautiful report.. I did not ask her to go . She called me afterwards and went on her own. Such an angel

      Like

  3. Your friend is absolutely right. Do NOT, I repeat – DO NOT feel guilty about not attending. Funerals are for the living , not the dead. Honour her in your own way and however you see fit. It’s no one else’s business how you choose to do it.
    And to help with your routine…
    *Do you have a favorite funeral song?
    Can’t say I do. I’ve been lucky enough to not have to attend many in my short lifetime. I did like the part in the movie Love Actually, when they played “Byebye Baby” by the Bay City Rollers. I think I’d like something like that at my funeral – upbeat and cute.
    *I would stick a cigarette in my mom’s casket if I could. Did you put anything in your loved ones’ casket with them?
    Not quite the same, but as I mentioned in an earlier comment, my Grandfather was a great outdoorsman. He died about a month before his annual moose-hunting trip (which he took with my father and uncle and brother). So they took some of his ashes, and mixed them with gunpowder, and loaded some special bullets. When they went on their trip that year, they fired the bullets over his favourite places in the forest.
    *I love that the Jewish tradition is to sit shiva. Shiva is the first 7 days of mourning. There is an Irish tradition called Month’s Mind where you go to mass and have a meal in the loved one’s honor a month after the death. Do you know of other such remembrances?
    No. My family is not even remotely religious.
    *I’m probably going to plant something for mom in the woods or put out a special bird house or feeder in her honor. Any other ideas?
    Those are lovely ideas. If you were feeling ambitious, you could plant a small memory garden for her – plant her favourite plants and put a little bench or chair so you could spend a few moments with her when everything is in bloom.

    Like

      1. And every time it blooms, you will think of her. A friend gave us $ to plant a tree in memory of my mom, every spring for the past 35 years it blooms for her. Thinking of you every day, Kathy.

        Like

  4. *Do you have a favorite funeral song? I like almost all of the old hymns, but I think my the two songs I would choose for a funeral are “Amazing Grace” and “How Great Thou Art”. When you think about it, His Grace toward us is very amazing.

    *I would stick a cigarette in my mom’s casket if I could. Did you put anything in your loved ones’ casket with them? My husband noticed that my father-in-law didn’t have a belt on or a pen in his pocket when we attended the pre-visitation for his funeral. Dennis took his own belt off and the pen out of his pocket and they put them both on his father. Dad would have never been caught without a belt or a pen and they had been provided to the funeral home, but the funeral director just didn’t think it was necessary and that no one would notice, so they didn’t do it. Things like that are important to families.

    *I love that the Jewish tradition is to sit shiva. Shiva is the first 7 days of mourning. There is an Irish tradition called Month’s Mind where you go to mass and have a meal in the loved one’s honor a month after the death. Do you know of other such rememberences? I know that the Japanese have quite a tradition also when a loved one dies. The family all gets together a year afterwards to celebrate that person’s life. I think they’re wonderful traditions and honor the memory of the person that is gone. I wish I could remember everything that they do. Alex has explained it but I have a very poor memory.

    *I’m probably going to plant something for mom in the woods or put out a special bird house or feeder in her honor. That would be a wonderful way to honor her.

    I will be keeping you in my prayers today. It must be difficult not to be able to attend her funeral. But you were there for her during her life and you and she knew that. Ultimately that’s the most important thing. I wasn’t at my father’s funeral either because my step mother did not tell any of us kids that he had even passed away. You’re still able to honor them in your own way.

    Please let me know when you have a pattern ready for the fidget mitts. I’m looking forward to helping you make some in your mothers honor.
    Blessings always my friend,
    Betsy

    Like

  5. I have two favorite funeral hymns: The Old Rugged Cross and Lift High the Cross. The first makes me cry; the other, smile broadly. Faith is such a comfort after the death of a loved one.

    No, I’ve never put anything in a casket, but I’ve seen others do it.

    A special plant or birfeeder/house would be nice. One of my friends gave me a gift certificate for plants after my Mom died. It was a lovely gift.

    Like

  6. Kathy, you are in my thoughts with love. I’m sorry for the family complexities that keep you from the funeral. I have attended few funerals and did not have a formal funeral for my husband in part because he did not like them, although both of us were Christ followers and I am still as well as I understand how to be.

    *Do you have a favorite funeral song?

    No, but I am loving many of the songs of the group Hillsong

    *I would stick a cigarette in my mom’s casket if I could. Did you put anything in your loved ones’ casket with them?

    No, but I can understand how that could be meaningful.

    *I love that the Jewish tradition is to sit shiva. Shiva is the first 7 days of mourning. There is an Irish tradition called Month’s Mind where you go to mass and have a meal in the loved one’s honor a month after the death. Do you know of other such rememberences?

    No, but I did gather with family and friends after my husband’s death, to celebrate his life and share in mourning his death.

    *I’m probably going to plant something for mom in the woods or put out a special bird house or feeder in her honor. Any other ideas?

    I am not big on statues, but after my husband’s death, three people gave me little garden cherub statues that I have tucked amongst the flowers in my flower bed, and I have found that they are a sweet reminder of my husband.

    Sending you many hugs 🤗

    Like

  7. Thank you for being open and honest with us.
    1. Asian funerals are usually low key. I think the Boyz to Men w/Mariah Carey song (It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye) would be appropriate.
    2. Chinese believe in something like that. Traditionally, a Chinese funeral has the casket loaded down with thin blankets and paper money, etc. Paper money is burned and there is lots of bowing by the family. More Americanized ones I believe some of my relatives were buried with favorite items in their casket. When you go up to the casket, you bow three times.
    I believe in that. I better have some yarn and knitting needles in mine and maybe my baby blankie that my mum had crocheted for me. More of us now would rather have no service and have cremation.
    3. I liked learning about the Jewish and the Irish traditions. I know there is a cemetery day where Chinese families go out to grave sites to clean and tidy up the stone and around it. Sometimes food, like oranges are put there and hureng, a long incense stick, is burned and we probably bow 3x.
    4. I like your idea on how to honor your mum.

    Like

  8. I have been thinking of you today. Looking at all the replies you’ve received today it’s clear that you are not alone with your family complexities and you and your friend are right in saying that you were there for her life. Funerals are definitely for the living and you do not need to have been there to honour your mum.

    To answer your questions, I do think ‘how great thou art’is a special hymn. My mother told us she wanted ‘ the carnival is over’ by the Seekers at her funeral, it was so hard to hear.

    I didn’t put anything in my mothers casket although she adored potato chips so maybe I should have sent her off with those. In my fathers casket I put a small collection of flowers from his garden that I made into a buttonhole decoration. He was dressed in his smartest suit and they flowers looked just right.

    I don’t know of any other rememberences, I sat with my father in the funeral home and tried to talk to him but it didn’t feel right as I knew he wasn’t there.

    I like your idea of the bird feeder.In terms of things to honour my parents, after my mother died my 3 sisters and I cleared out her wardrobes and sorted out her clothes. I kept all of her cotton dresses as I wanted to make something from them to remind me of her. Shortly after that, my father also died and I kept his shirts for the same reason. I am not a sewer, but that year I made a patchwork cushion for each of my sisters, one side had my mothers dresses and the other side my fathers shirts. The cushions are treasured. I put all the material away as I somehow couldn’t bring myself to make one for me. Maybe one day I will.Fiona x

    Like

  9. I’m praying for you Kathy!
    1. I love How Great Thou Art sung at a funeral. We played The Prayer at Carrie’s service with Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli.
    2. I put a photo of the family in Carrie’s casket.
    3. We had a Moravian Lovefeast on the anniversary of her passing.
    4. One of the plants (& flowers) received at the Church was a Christmas Cactus. I brought it back to Texas with me and it bloomed for many years. A story you might like: one of my favorite pictures of Carrie is of her wearing the long gown that was her Bridesmaid dress for her brother’s wedding. She is sitting on a swing under a big tree, with one bare foot tucked back and the other pointed up as she swings forward. Ten years later Bethany found a statue of an angel in a long flowing gown. swinging with one toe pointed forward. She bought it for me and they sit together on a shelf where I can see them everyday. We each have our angels Kathy! And, we all have your back!

    Like

    1. Oh Kim, thank you so very much for understanding The support is hugely helpful. Now that my mom is buried I feel very very peaceful and glad I stayed here for the day and did not attend.

      Like

  10. My Mom passed away two years ago tomorrow, also from alzheimers. When I was 40 I got a tattoo, but was afraid she would get mad, so I didn’t tell her until it was too late. She went and got a tattoo two days later, a bluebird on her ankle. (She was 64). After she passed, my sister and I, and my daughter all got tattoos of bluebirds on our ankle. An etching of the bluebird is on her headstone. I told my sister, who would have imagined that Mom’s legacy would be a tattoo!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s