The truth of the matter…

dscf9538My lastest socks are a Joy to knit.  The yarn is real sock yarn from Online and We are not having any fights.  Man, I knit a lot of socks.  Hope they don’t bore you, but I’m really happy knitting socks, finding sock yarn, buying sock yarn and mostly succeeding with my knitting.  That’s really why I love to knit socks.  I wear them, I give them as gifts, and they are never a waste of time or money. 

I’m going to try a sweater on that I knit years ago.  I gained too much weight to wear it, and Now I think, it may fit again.    Thanks weight watchers.   I’ll let you know if it fits.  

dscf9532Oh yes I did run out on the freezing cold porch last night to try to catch the lovely full moon coming up over the Christmas tree for you.  And boy it is freezing out there.  And yes I’m crazy.  

I don’t talk about it much here, but I want to share it joyfully.  I have depression. I have survived serious bouts of depression and come out better for it.   I wish people could be as supportive of this illness as they are of others.   They call it the NO CASSEROLE illness because no one brings you dinner.   Most people run from you. 

Al actually dated a guy who told her he couldn’t stay with her because her mom had depression.   I try to tell others when they are struggling that the best news about the disease is that it is curable.   I’ve had amazing doctors and friends and family.  I’ve also had family that say I’m crazy and judge me as so even after I’ve been well. 

Why today to share this?  Dunno.  Just want to open the dialogue for one little post.  I’m here to tell you, it can get better.   If you are really struggling this holiday season, have Hope.  Go get some help.  Most people who seek help, find it.  I was told that 1/3 of suicides occur with people who never tell anyone they are depressed.   Your brain is an organ of your body.  Just like your pancreas needs insulin when you are diabetic.  Your brain needs medication, often, to rebalance.  

I’m meeting with a very well meaning friend today for coffee back home.  She did not thiink moving would be good for me.  She warned me it would cause me another depressive episode.  That scared the Beejezuz out of me.   I told my doctor what she said.  We talked about it.  Now, my psychiatrist, there I said it…calls this move “your tincture of country”.   I won’t say it to her, but I want to tell her never to say that to someone.  It was like hearing I was going to die again.  

Thank you for moving with me.  Thank you for sharing your brave stories of your struggles no matter what they are.   Thank you for making this a jovial place of whimsy and fun for me.   Be well. 


Author: compassionknit

I've moved from to on Nov. 7 2016. It is still me! glad you found me

18 thoughts on “The truth of the matter…”

  1. Great sock yarn

    And the thing about depression is to remember that you’re not alone. In the slightest. Depression and anxiety affect far more people than most recognize (because it’s not talked about). I learned about it at a very young age (about 7 years old) because my Mom had a very bad summer… I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t come out of her bedroom and why my brother and I had to go to the beach alone.
    Our family doctor told her it was all in her head and just deal with it. I’m not sure how it happened, but she ended up going to my grandmother’s doctor who said “Of course it’s in your head, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need help” and got my Mom the help she needed. The other thing to remember (and something that’s also not talked about it), is it tends to be hereditary. Both my brother and I have anxiety issues (my brother is worse than I am, but neither is as bad as Mom – but it’s still there). And looking back at the family history – you can see its traces… including a couple of suicides.
    And it’s not just my family – Dave has anxiety issues, and so do several of my friends. It truly is everywhere
    I agree it needs to be talked about, and like other diseases, we need to realize it’s not the fault of the sufferer. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, just dealt with. The brain can be broken or hurt, just like the lungs or the heart, and sometimes it needs medicine and therapy to heal.
    Personally – I think many people suffer from it and they don’t even realize… they are the mean people, the ones who lash out and try to make others miserable. They are the controlling, dominating people who have to control everything because if they don’t they feel their world will fall apart.
    Anxiety and depression manifest in many ways, and we need to talk about it more to recognize it better.
    I congratulate you on doing what you need to do to make yourself well so you can be there for your family.


  2. I can’t really add anything to what Valerie said above, except to wish that more people would give up the “well, if you just TRY harder, it will be OK.” Myself and everyone I know who suffers from depression, whether chronic or temporary, is trying all of the time. Every single day.

    I’m glad that you have a loving family and a support system, and that you are happy with your life. And I’m glad that your friend has been proven wrong. 🙂

    P.S. Socks are the BEST!


  3. I am right there with you. If you ever need to “talk” privately, I’m just an email or text message away.
    I’m so glad you are liking your place in the country.


  4. Great socks and great post! I, too, can’t add anything to what Valerie wrote. I do think it is wonderful that you wrote this post. You are fortunate to have the support and love of many. Enjoy your visit with your friend who was wrong! Your new home does seem to agree with you and I’m glad.


  5. Great socks-knit millions if it makes you happy and we will love every pair with you!
    Depression runs in my husband’s family (incl him.) There are two kinds of people when you try to talk about depression-the ones who run for the hills or the ones who hug you.
    Consider yourself hugged!


  6. I too suffer from depression, about 11 years ago I had a breakdown and you are right very few people support you through these crisis’s. My daughter got me a doctor, he got me on meds and they do make a difference, run out or forget to take them and the change is instantly there. I still have panic attacks when I least expect them, we have never found the trigger for these although hormone balance is a possibility. I am just glad someone came up with medicines and a plan that not every one had deaf ears!!!


  7. I’ve learned so much more about depression now and wish I had known that 411 in my 20’s. You are a brave woman to share this personal part of yourself. You are a warrior to be so proactive. Hugs to you.


  8. I love the sock yarn. I say, knit socks every day, especially since doing so brings you joy and peace…and I’m all about both. Life is too short to not enjoy it. Know Linda that there are many of us who understand and respect others, despite an illness, disability, bad hair day, what have you. Courage is a quality that few of us have and I respect you even more so for yours and your honesty.
    In these times, we need every ounce of courage we can muster; deepest gratitude to you for sharing yours.


  9. THank you for sharing this Kathy. You know there is a history of it in my family with my father and one of my sons. It is an illness jut like any other. I used to tell my son, I have thyroid issues I take medicine, you have this and you take medicine. My father had several major breakdowns when I was growing up. My Mom handled it all on her own with three young girls and a son away at school. Not sure how she did it as it was even less acceptable back then. I applaud you for sharing and letting all of us know that these feelings need to be addressed and that you are not alone.

    You are the best and I am here for you, hope you know that.


  10. My mother was agoraphobic and never went out of the house. Her mother (my grandma) had several breakdowns in her lifetime and her father committed suicide. Daddio is bi-polar and I suffered from postpartum depression after #2 Son was born. It was excruciating. I weighed 90 pounds during the worst of it and it ruined my marriage to husband #1 which was fine by me. Daughter suffers from terrible anxiety but being armed with the facts helps her cope much better than my mother did. I am so used to dealing with emotional illnesses that I forget that some people don’t get it. Thanks for being brave enough to put it out there for those who need an education and a shot of empathy.
    Keep knitting those socks. They are chicken soup for the soul. At least that’s how I’m feeling about it this week. I’ve got four new ones on the needles. (!)


  11. Socks! You can never have too many socks and I, too, think they they are great fun to knit. Everyone loves to receive them too , so you can knit and give them away when your sock drawer overflows!

    Thank you for sharing about your depression. I’ve always been what my family referred to as a “nervous Nellie”. Anxiety issues about anything and everything you can imagine. I thought things were better, but this last year has sent me for a loop with being down in bed so much. My heart goes out to you and everyone else who suffers with depression. I have experienced just a tiny bit and I think I understand a little better how devastating it is. I’ve read all of the comments and they are amazing. Thank you for being so honest. I think there is more support out there than we think. And I’m sorry for the thoughtless remark of your friend. She probably never realized how hurtful her comment was. My prayers and love are with you my friend.

    I feel like I’m rambling so I’ll stop.



  12. Depression is real, and depression is deadly if not addressed either with medication or therapy. Therapy helped me a lot when I was going through a real rough patch, and I have no doubt I could have retired years later if I had only talked openly to my doctor about my feelings. When society stops whispering about mental health, many people will openly seek therapy or medication. Thanks for opening the door to the conversation.

    Love the socks and the yarn!


  13. It’s good to see that you are sharing about your depression. It’s certainly nothing you need to hide. It’s always best to talk it out so never be afraid to share what’s on your mind. I use to get seasonal depression when I lived up north and I found knitting and spinning yarn to be very compforting. I just wasn’t a cold and snow loving person so my move south was a great help as well. The winters were just to long for me so I struggled every year there. Keep knitting those socks and posting on your blog because I totally enjoy reading it.


  14. I love your brave soul! So, here I am in solidarity: While I’ve had a lifelong struggle with anxiety, depression has become a significant problem in the last few years. Between the two, I’d like to stick with anxiety — but there’s no choice involved, is there? Now I know the Fireman is as good a man as Keith because he obviously has been by your side through good and bad (and isn’t that what marriage is supposed to be about?). Please know that I am not far and I walk this path. Call, visit … whatever you need. Now we really must meet! I truly admire your honesty. I know I should be more open about it, but I do worry.
    Shame on your friend for not supporting you! I’m glad you have doctor who encouraged you to move ahead with your plans.
    And don’t apologize for knitting socks. They are as good for the soul as for the feet!


  15. AMEN!

    Many of my family members struggle with mental illness and one in particular has some horrible events and challenges. I prayed for her daily for years, I am happy to say that with intensive therapy, medication and changes in her job she is doing well. I saw her lately and she was beaming and a joy to behold!!

    I battle anxiety (low level but still a doozy when it’s rearing its ugly head) and I have found that knitting SAVES me and my mental health. I love how I feel when I knit and I knit so very much.


  16. Your posts often bring a tear to my eyes and yesterday’s was no exception. I admire your courage in talking about your illness and am pleased for you that you are doing well and keeping healthy. It’s not always easy to talk about mental health issues even though people say how important it is to do so, there is still stigma attached to discussing it so sometimes it’s easier to say nothing which I find is what I do. I know it’s not right but I’m not as brave as you. Thank goodness for knitting is what I say, keeping my hands and mind busy helps a great deal. X


  17. Gorgeous, gorgeous sock yarn. I think I’m going to have to hire you as my sock yarn buyer.

    There are a lot of us depressives out here. I’ve never heard it called the “No Casserole” disease — so very true.


  18. You are right, no one is interested are they. It is something that can be got through and you can come out the other side, I think that if more people were more supportive it would definitely be easier. As for that guy that Al was dating, I think it is best he is gone! Good luck with everything.


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